The Everyday Adventures of Eggo and Alfalfa
by HungryDemon
Summary: Brothers Eggo and Alfalfa have paid terrible prices for the sin of trying to ressurect their dead hamster, Fluffy. The brothers,resembling pirates and glued in bean cans begin a new quest to find the one item that will retore them: The Shiny Red Rock.
1. Phantom Thief Sardine

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not FMA, or a waffle company, or a hamster.

OK, don't even ask where this came from. I don't even know.

* * *

When Eggo was eleven and his brother, Alfalfa, was ten, they committed a great sin. They attempted to bring back their much loved hamster, Fluffy, from the dead. The result was a disaster. Eggo lost his right arm and left leg, and Alfalfa lost his entire body. Eggo was able to save Alfalfa's soul by sealing it in an empty can of beans by using crazy glue and chewing gum.

Fortunately for Eggo, his next door neighbor, Whiner, was a former pirate wench. She was able to equip Eggo with a peg leg and a wooden arm with a hook on the end. Thus began a 51-episode quest to regain their normal bodies by searching for the one item that would aid them—the Red Rock. The two brothers began to research the Red Rock after it was mentioned in an Alchemist Anonymous meeting, which the emotionally scarred Alfalfa attended regularly. And, because violence is always the answer, Eggo enlisted in the military to learn how to create, or find, the Red Rock. And so our story begins….

* * *

Eggo sighed as he balanced Alfalfa on his wooden shoulder as the left the fourth jewelry store they had checked that day. "Why did we play God?" Alfalfa muttered miserably. "WHY!"

Eggo rolled his eyes. This always happened after Al was nearly recycled. "Well, that was pointless," He said to the aluminum can. "Time to report back to Colonel Sarcasm."

Colonel Mustard: Dog fiend, pervert, egotist. It was also believed that he had killed a man in the billiard room with the rope. Mustard wanted to make it to the top. There was no character on a board game named "Fuhrer Mustard", and half the people he knew didn't know what a Fuhrer was in the first place, so therefore he could confuse them. Fortunately for Mustard, he had many loyal soldiers beneath him, like his best friend, Lieutenant Colonel Hugs.

The sound of a hook picking a lock was Mustard's cue to hide his porno magazines and hentai manga. At the last second, he was able to make it look like he had been signing papers all day.

"Colonelllll." Eggo's annoyed voice floated through the door as he stepped in Mustard's office uninvited.

"Oh, where's that voice coming from? Eggo? I can't see him anywhere, he's too little!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT, YOU SPINELESS PITIFUL FRACTION OF A MAN!"

"Why Eggo, you've learned a new word."

Eggo crossed his arms as best he could. His hook ripped his jacket. "Little early to be starting with all the sarcastic comments, isn't it?" He said tartly.

"It's not my fault you interrupted my reading hour."

Eggo rolled his eyes. "I didn't think you liked to read on account of some words have more than one syllable."

Mustard decided to ignore the comment for now and use it to make fun of the other soldiers later. "Well, how did the assignment go?"

"It was a load of crap," Eggo said. "We didn't find anything."

Mustard tried to look cool as he gave Eggo his next assignment. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it—and if you don't, I'll make you anyway—"

"Typical," Eggo muttered.

"In the town of Waterville, there appears to be a stripper-slash-thief on the loose. Rumors have it…that she has access to a Red Rock."

"Well why didn't you say something before!" Eggo jumped up and ran out the door. Mustard waited a minute to make sure the coast was clear, then locked the door again and dug out all his magazines. Paperwork could wait.

* * *

Waterville was aptly named, as it was in the middle of a lake. After his third trip to the bathroom, Eggo decided it was time to gather information on this thief. Though they were arrested twice, the two brothers did manage to get enough information on this criminal, Sardine, and that she was set to rob a large mansion that night.

Eggo and Alfalfa waited quietly for Sardine to strike. "I don't know about you, Al, but I like stakeouts," Eggo said, shoveling more steak into his mouth. "Nothin' like a good dead cow for dinner." He made soft mooing noises. Al whimpered. Eggo crossed his fingers in hopes that Al wouldn't have another emotional breakdown. It'd be the third time this week.

The foul stench of fish wafted through the air. Eggo jumped up, balancing Al on his head. "That's her for sure!"

"You're a poet and you don't even know it, Brother," Alfalfa said.

"Oh come on, that joke is so overused."

Al sighed. "I guess so."

The brothers raced to the next room, Al nearly sliding off Eggo's head. They followed the fishy smell until they finally reached the jewel room. It was shiny and made Eggo happy. He was so dazzled he almost forgot the reason they were here. "So you're the one!" He called, pointing his hook towards the shadows.

Sardine stepped out of the darkness. "Kind of short for a police officer, aren't you?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT! YOU'RE SO SHORT YOU COULD SIT ON A STREET CURB AND YOUR FEET WOULD DANGLE!"

Sardine, who was a good six feet tall, merely stared at Eggo for a moment before starting to steal gems.

"Brother, shouldn't we—" Al started, but Eggo was off ranting again.

"YOU'RE SO SHORT YOU CAN DO BACKFLIPS UNDER THE BED!"

"I just stole all the jewels," Sardine informed the furious alchemist.

"YOU'RE SO STUPID THAT YOU NEED TO GO TO THE BASEMENT FOR A DEEP THOUGHT!"

"I'm leaving now!" And with that, the thief exited stage right.

"Brother!" Al said sharply enough to snap Eggo out of his insult hurling. "What's the military's number one motto?"

"Violence is always the answer," He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "What's your point?"

"She's getting away!"

"Oh." Eggo ran after her, accidentally dropping Al on the floor as he did so.

Eggo followed her in the dark down to the edge of the lake. "Catch me if you can!" Sardine called to him teasingly, as if daring him to take another step. He chased her and had nearly caught her before he tripped on a rock and fell flat on his face.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Eggo squealed, trying to find the pieces to his nose. He picked up the rock and chucked it at Sardine. He laughed when it hit her, calling, "EQUVILANT EXCHANGE FISH FACE!"

There was a shiny light and a deck of Old Maid cards flew out at Eggo, pinning him to the ground. "Greeat," He muttered. "Just great. Al? A little help here!" But the younger of the brothers was nowhere to be found. Realizing that he had dropped him earlier in the chapter, Eggo let out some rather inappropriate, then tried to find a way up. _Nooo! Stuck on the ground, alone on a dark night with a stripper—slash-thi…wait a second…._ A strange, mischievous grin crossed Eggo's face.

Eggo got a nosebleed as she approached him. She leaned over to him, giving the older brother her fishy, seducing smile. "Hey, this looks cool!" And with that, she ripped his watch off his pants and walked away, leaving him very disappointed, alone on the ground. Right by a lake. This would not be a fun night.

* * *

"But I don't get it, Brother," Al said the next day as the picked Eggo's soiled pants up from the cleaner's. "How did you get out?"

"Lucky plot hole?" He offered.

Alfalfa sighed. Stupid fanfiction writers. "This is what we get for trying to bring Fluffy back! GOD, WHY!"

It was Eggo's turn to roll his eyes and sigh. Was it the third time this week…or the fourth? "Al, shut up for a minute and pay attention." Too late. He was already gone. "Hey!" Eggo said, putting on the most fake, happy voice he could manage. "I'll buy you a popsicle if you stop freaking out after everything I say!"

"I can't eat it! WAAHHAAAA!"

"Oh, right…" Eggo recalled as his brother's sobs continued in increasing volumes. He tried to remember when the next Alchemist's Anonymous meeting was. "Ooh, look, a rat," He said, staring at the ground.

"That's a hamster, not a rat," Alfalfa corrected him promptly.

Eggo shrugged. "Same difference." He bent down to stroke it. "Oh, you're so adorable it's sinful!"

"He kind of reminds me of Fluffy," Al said quietly.

"Ow! He bit me!" Eggo exclaimed, pulling his finger away.

"My name is…Snugglebuns!" Something called to them in a squeaky, high-pitched voice.

"Did you say that, Al?"

"Nope."

They looked around for the squeaky voice, until Eggo felt the hamster gnawing through his pant leg. He picked him up. "Are you Snugglebuns?"

"DEATH AWAITS YOU ALL WITH NASTY, BIG, POINTY TEETH!" The maniacal hamster cackled.

Eggo dropped the screaming furball in astonishment. Al began shouting "why" in several different languages. They still had no leads on the Red Rock, had to catch a thief that smelled like fish and now had an undead hamster that wanted to kill them.

Great.

* * *

Yup, this one definitely fits into your "it's painful and humiliating at the same time!" category. And no, you're not crazy, there was a Monty Python reference buried deep in the fic somewhere… p

Sorry Al. v.v

Let the flames…BEGIN!


	2. The Dangers of Undead Hamsters

I own: A tennis racket, a shoelace and a roll of duct tape.  
I do not own: Fullmetal Alchemist, a waffle company, Pulp Fiction  
Please don't sue me. v.v  
And the déjà vu line? Actually happened to me while I was writing this. Weird, huh?

* * *

Eggo sighed, holding the pink hamster cage with one hand. "Of course we can't keep him Al. He's a zombie hamster!" 

"POURQUOI!" Alfalfa cried, attracting stares from Watertown passer-byes. "But Brother, I want it!"

"We can't take care of a demonic hamster, Al!"

Snugglebuns frantically ran around in his wheel. "YOU ALL SHALL DIE!"

"Yeah, yeah, we heard it the first time!" Eggo shouted at the furball, sticking his hook in between the bars of the cage. The hamster leaped towards him, gnawing on his hook.

"Ow!" It squealed as it chomped on the iron hook.

Eggo pointed and laughed, crying, "Hey! That tickles!"

"Never underestimate the power of a hamster!" Snugglebuns bellowed furiously.

"Brother…you don't think…that's really Fluffy, do you?" Al asked pitifully.

"Are you kidding? Fluffy was fat and smelly!"

"Snugglebuns _is_ fat and smelly," the aluminum can pointed out, his voice shaking. "POR QUÉ!"

"Al, will you just speak English like everyone else!"

Alfalfa ignored his brother completely, breaking out into loud noisy sobs. Eggo sighed and rolled his eyes. He silently vowed to never miss another AA meeting until Al wasn't going nuts every five minutes. "Al, in another minute I'm going to chuck you in the lake!"

The can silenced himself, only hiccuping twice. Snugglebuns cast him an evil glare, then continued with his adorable screeching. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you! Ezekiel 25:17."

Eggo's lip twitched. "Sounds like someone's been watching a little too much Pulp Fiction."

"But I wanted to be the one to use the random movie quote in this chapter," Alfalfa pouted.

"There's no such thing as too much Pulp Fiction," Snugglebuns snapped.

Eggo sighed. He was getting bored. "Al, can we just feed him to a snake already?" He whined.

"No!"

Suddenly, there was an explosion! Eggo screamed in a pitch normally used for calling dogs. In doing so, he threw his hand and hook up, tossing the hamster cage in the lake. "I'll be back!" Snugglebuns screamed. He shot pink rays of cuteness out of his demonic eyes.

"Tee hee, that tickles!" Alfalfa said as the rays hit him.

Snugglebuns muttered something about "god damn fic writer mocking me" before sinking completely. Alfalfa sadly watched him go. "He was my friend," He sniffled.

Eggo balanced the can on his shoulder, happy the hamster would be out of the fic for a few chapters. "There's no time for that! We have to catch Sardine!"

They ran towards the site of the explosion, Al only falling off twice. "We've finally caught you, you smelly—" Eggo stopped mid-sentence and blinked. "The hell?"

Instead of the phantom thief Sardine, the brothers found only a nun. Eggo, who has had a fear of nuns since second grade, tried in vain to hide behind Alfalfa. "Please don't hit me!"

She whacked him on top of the head with a ruler, just for good measure. "Aren't you the little boy who threw a rock at me last night?"

"YOU'RE SO SHORT YOU CAN SEE YOUR FEET IN YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO!" Eggo screamed like a two-year-old.

The song "They're Coming to Take Me Away" randomly played. "Oh, sorry, it's me," The phantom nun Sardine said, digging around in her habit to produce a small cell phone. "Yello?" She listened for a moment, then extended the phone out to Eggo. "It's for you."

Eggo took the phone and answered with his traditional greeting of "You're special!"

"Eggo, something's happened to the Colonel," a female voice rang out from across the line.

"Lieutenant Hamburger? How did you even get this number?" Eggo asked. The blond Lieutenant had been working under Mustard for years and years and was also secretly in love with him. She was considered by many to be an excellent sharp shooter, but as a general rule she only hit her targets two times out of nine.

"It wasn't that hard to guess," She replied casually, telling him the number. It was 555-5555.

"So, whatever happened to everyone's favorite pyro?" He said, tongue in cheek.

"We don't know, he's just disappeared."

"What a tragedy." Eggo rolled his eyes.

"We need you to come back to Big City Town and help us with the investigation."

"But—" Eggo immediately objected. "We still need to capture Sardine and find the Shiny Red Rock!"

Sardine tapped her foot impatiently. "Oh, that thing. I pawned it. Could you hurry up? I'm paying for this call, you know!"

"YOU PAWNED IT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU PAWNED IT!"

"PERCHÉ!" Alfalfa joined his brother in screaming.

"Eggo? Eggo? Are you still there?" Hamburger's voice wafted from the phone.

Eggo sighed. "Yeah…we'll come up. But what about Sardine?"

"Give me my phone back," She demanded, holding her hand out to him.

"Oh my God, I just had déjà vu," Alfalfa said.

He hung up the phone and handed it back to the thief-slash-stripper-slash-nun. "I guess we'll just have to take a rain check on…"

"Me owning you?" She suggested.

Eggo sighed. "Do you really have to use those words?"

She nodded cheerfully.

"Well Al," he said, put the bean can in his pocket. "Guess it's time to go back."

Little did the brothers know that what they would encounter on their quest for Colonel Mustard would warp their walnut sized brains forever….

* * *

Not a very funny chapter, I know. The next update should be pretty durn funny. I hope. 


	3. Mustard Comes Out of the Closet

Yes, cheap rip-offs of Trigun and RENT. I admit it. I am proud of it.  
Also, this chapter is kind of pervy and there's some language. Consider yourself warned.

* * *

Eggo and Alfalfa stood before the military's headquarters in Big City Town, ready for a full day of searching. They were a kingly duo, swift and brave and loyal, following every code of chivalry and knighthood there was. Well…except for that one time. But that's beside the point. 

So these two incredibly awesome brothers faced one challenge before they could enter the building: An automatic revolving door. Due to embarrassing instances in the past, in which the brothers attempted to find out whether or not it was impossible to skii through a revolving door, they both harbored a deep fear for such devices. (In case our dear readers were wondering, it is entirely possible to skii through a revolving door with just the right circumstances, but it is not recommended.)

Eggo glanced at the can on his shoulder, clenched a fist and gritted his teeth. "For love."

"For love and for peace!" Alfalfa added.

With that, Eggo sprinted through the scary moving door. Finally safe on the other side, he let out a sigh of relief. "Be still my heart," He said, placing his hook on his chest. He turned around to see the door that they had vanquished…

"Brother, HELP ME!"

GASP! Alfalfa had fallen off Eggo's shoulder and was caught in the door! The door was pushing him around rather quickly. Eggo watched helplessly as his brother was being pushed around by the door, screaming all the while. "HELP! _AYUDA_!"

"I don't know how! _No sé!"_

Plump officer Bread, drawn by the sound of screams, sighed and put down his book, _Cynophobia for Dummies_. This seemed to happen every time the brothers returned to Big City Town. He got up, walked to the door, picked Alfalfa up and handed him to Eggo. They murmured their grateful thank-you's before Eggo asked, "So, what's the story with Colonel Buttface?"

"Brother!" Alfalfa scolded him sharply.

"We sent Lieutenant Hotdog to go looking for him, but that was four hours ago," Bread explained.

Lieutenant Hotdog seemed to have the worst luck out of any of the other soldiers. He had profiles on three different online dating sites for for over two years, and none of them had a single hit. Ever. What little time not spent having his heart broken was used in smoking, writing in his diary and watching sappy movies.

"And so the quest begginith," Eggo said in a sigh.

"Hey Eggo, Alfalfa," Lieutenant Hamburger greeted the pair. A pistol hung at one hip, and a small black puppy struggling for breath was lashed to the other. "Hopefully this won't take too long, I know you have an AA meeting to go to."

"Last week's was horrible! We stood up in a circle, held hands and sang a song for three minutes about losing our dignity and no one care. THREE FREAKIN' MINUTES!" Eggo paused for a breath to complete his rant. "And all Al did was cry because he didn't have hands to hold!"

At this, Alfalfa broke out in noisy sobs.

Both ignored him. Hamburger continued. "We've stumbled across a very important clue."

"Oh yeah?" Eggo attempted to raise an eyebrow.

"There's some very noisy high-pitched screams coming from the upstairs closet. Either Mustard kidnapped a group of high school girls, or all the fangirls escaped from the zoo." Hamburger shrugged.

"Makes sense," Eggo said. "Ten bucks says it's the fangirls."

"Twenty."

"Done."

They shook on it and continued on their way. "Oh. Shoelace." Eggo knelt down as best he could, considered the peg leg, and attempted to tie his shoe. "You go on ahead, this could be a couple minutes," he instructed Hamburger.

"Or a couple years," Alfalfa scoffed.

Those of you who have ever had to tie their shoes using only one hand know that is an extremely difficult task, nearly as tricky (though slightly less painful) as sitting though X-Men 3. Eggo, making the best use of his hand, mouth and wooden leg, finally succeeded after fifteen minutes.

While Eggo was busy doing this, Hamburger had already made her way up to the closet. She pulled open the door, and out fell Mustard, shirtless as usual. He stood up, dusted himself off and the two soldiers saluted each other.

"You appear to be missing your shirt, sir."

"Uh, yeah, well, I was just, uh…." Mustard rubbed the back of his neck. "Getting it on. In the closet. I was just getting my shirt on in the closet."

"Sorry I asked," she said under her breath. Then, "Just let the high school girls go, sir." With that she sighed and walked away, making a mental note to hire some professional cleaners. No way in hell was she ever going five feet near that closet ever again.

She met Eggo on her walk back. "I'd stay away from there for awhile. And you owe me twenty bucks."

Eggo's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Like hell I do! It was the fangirls, I'll prove it to ya!" With that, he sprinted down the hallway, this time carrying Alfalfa in his pocket.

"Fangirls?" Hamburger said to herself as she watched him run. "What universe does this kid live in?"

* * *

Eggo kicked open the closet door. "Colonel! Where are the fangirls?!" 

Mustard screamed in surprise, then picked him up and threw him across the closet. A crappy, ugly looking rusted gate had somehow appeared in the back of the closet, and the brothers went hurtling through.

Lieutenant Hotdog nervously poked his two-toned head out from behind a coat and whispered, "Colonel, are they gone?"

"Shut up, bitch."

* * *

Eggo opened his eyes. He appeared to be in a golden room. The rusted gate was right behind him, and a large stone one loomed in front of him. But they weren't alone; the rest of the room was populated by some pretty blond boys and a robot. He stared at them. 

"Well, it's a good thing _this_ makes sense."


	4. Ed, Ed, 'n' Eggo

Movie lines (lovingly) stolen from The Producers and Highlander. C'mon, you didn't really think you were going to get through this fic without a Highlander quote, did you? And some "music" stolen from Eminem.

* * *

Eggo stared around the golden-lit room, with Alfalfa balanced carefully on his head. He tried doing some calculations, in the hopes that this chapter would make slightly more sense. Yeah, fat chance of that happening. "A blond, a shorter blond—"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT? YOU'RE SO SHORT, YOU COULD DO THE LIMBO UNDER A SPOON!" Shorter Blond shouted from across the room.

"—And a mini-gundam," Alfalfa finished his brother's count, as Eggo was now too busy shouting back at Shorter Blond. As usually happened when Eggo was in a rage and trying to balance his brother on his head, Alfalfa slipped off his greasy hair and rolled to the robot's foot.

"YOU'RE SO SHORT, YOU TRIPPED ON SPIT!"

Tall Blond sighed in a very German manner.

"Who are you guys anyway?" Gundam asked.

"I VAS NEVER A MEMBER OF THE NAZI PARTY!" Blond #1 joined in with the shouting. "I only followed orders! I had nuzzing to do vith ze var. I didn't even know there vas a var on! Ve lived in ze back….right across from Svitzerland. All ve ever heard was yodeling. Yodelittlelehehoo."

The strangers stared at Blond #1, trying to figure out exactly what he was trying to do.

"Yohohohohohoho, yodelittleyodelittleyodelitte…WHO ARE YOU?!"

"Well, I'm Al Elric," the tin man introduced himself with a clank before up the empty can of beans that lay at his feet. "I didn't know that there was littering inside the Gate."

"I'm Alfalfa Eric!" The can cried, indignant. "And the crazy one is my brother, Eggo Eric."

Al looked carefully at all three candidates. "You might need to be more specific."

"The short one."

That at least eliminated _one_. Al gave up. "I guess we'd better solve this somehow."

It took a good fifteen minutes for the Als to convince the Eds/Eggos to stop fighting and yodeling to sort this whole mess out. Those who were mentally stable lead the meeting. Needless to say, Eggo and Alfalfa were just sitting and listening.

"How did you guys all get here?" The oldest Ed was saying. "I thought there vas only vone Gate."

Indeed, something was terribly wrong with this picture. One giant stone gate was at one end of the room, the other rested at the opposite end. Both were identical, with frightful and hellish designs, a giant eye going over both doors. Looking at it sent chills down the brothers' spines. Which brothers? It doesn't really matter. Anyway you look at it, the Gate is friggin' creepy.

* * *

In the middle of the room sat a small iron gate that one might use to defend their garden from bunnies, badly rusted. If you poked it, it might just collapse. 

Every Elric and Eric pointed at their respective gates, except for Alfalfa, who had no arms. The Elrics snickered upon seeing the gate Eggo and Alfalfa had stumbled through. "We wanted twenty bucks," Eggo explained. Alfalfa sniffled, feeling incredibly mopey.

"This is what we get for bringing back Fluffy," he whined.

"No, this is what we get for Mustard being a freak!" Eggo yelled before he kicked the can, sending his little brother spiraling across the room. The Elrics all ran after it for fear of being tagged and taken to jail.

"Wait," Al stopped them. "We never decided who was it."

Now that Kick the Can had been so rudely interrupted, everyone returned to the What the Hell is Going On? Council, except for Alfalfa who was on the other side of the room, sobbing to himself.

"God hates me," he whimpered.

"How did you guys get here?" Eggo sat cross-legged, or as best he could, considering his peg leg.

"The Gate," all three answered simultaneously.

It didn't make much sense to Eggo, but then again, very few things did. "So you're all Eds?"

Al raised his hand. "I'm not."

"You're a robot. No one cares." Eggo replied. He leaned forward, trying to discern one Ed from the other. "So which is the real one?"

Both Eds stood up at once, jabbing a thumb at their chests. "I am!" They glared at each other. "No you're not! I'm the real Ed Elric!"

"Don't let this imposter fool you!" They shouted in chorus once again, each pointing at the other. "I'm the real Ed!"

Al looked back and forth between them. "Um."

Eggo waved it away with his hook. "You all look the same to me."

"Can't you both be the real Ed?" Al wondered out loud.

The elder of the two Eds took out a bottle rocket. "Never!"

The younger transmuted his right arm into a blade. "There can be only one!"

Eggo looked down at his own hook, envious. Why hadn't Whiner put a built-in weapon is his arm? He figured it had something to do with different molecular properties of different universes, rather than his own alchemic ability.

He decided to leave before the situation could get any weirder. "Al, I'm gonna go. Tell me if they get this time paradox thing figured out."

"Okay."His little brother followed him to the gate. It wasn't long before Eggo realized that something wasn't quite right here. Or, more specifically, the wrong Al was following him.

"I don't like robots." He glared at the armor behind him.

"I'm not a robot! I'm your broth—" he stopped. "You're not my brother!"

They looked back at the remaining Eds. Their death match had somehow disintegrated into a staring contest. "May I have your attention please?" Al called out to them. After a few unblinking seconds, he tried again. "May I have your attention please? Will the real Ed Elric please stand up?"

At this, both Eds blinked in unison. "HA! Gotcha! You did not! Did so!"

Eggo sighed, scratching his head. He remembered to do it with his left hand this time. "We're gonna have a problem here."

"I'm Ed Elric, yes I'm the real Elric," They both claimed.

Eggo groaned. This was even stranger than the day all the Mary Sues invaded. He was about to leave and get the twenty bucks he deserved when he saw an empty can lying on the far side of the room. Never one to let something recyclable go unrecycled, he skipped over (as best he could) to collect the empty can of beans. "Time to go." He paused. "Al, did you just get through an entire chapter without screaming in strange languages?"

"Ima nan-ji desu ka?" Alfalfa asked.

After hearing this, Eggo felt much better.

They stared at the two bickering Eds. Eggo waved goodbye with his hook. "Freaks," he muttered under his breath as the left. The talking can of beans affirmed this.

"Who was the pirate?" Al Elric asked as they left.

"Maybe it was a fangirl writing a Pirates of the Caribbean crossover?" The Eds suggested.

All three shuddered at the very thought.

The moral of the story? It is very difficult to play kick the can when no one has been declared as "it".

* * *

_(Can I say something?)  
_As long as it's not one of those friendship speeches.  
_(What do you think this is, Yu-__Gi__-Oh?)  
_Oh, right. Sorry. Go ahead.  
_(This had to be the worst chapter in the __fic__ so far.)  
_You can't be serious. Chapter 2 was much worse.  
_(Chapter 2 at least had pink rays of cuteness. This only had a line stolen from "The Producers" which I'm sure offended someone.)  
_Is that really how you punctuate movie titles?  
_(I'm not sure.)  
_Oh.  
_(I have one more question for you.)  
_Yeah?  
_(Who are you talking to?)  
_Aw crap.

* * *


End file.
